I'm not a big fan of saying goodbye to people and places and things, which has made this week spectacularly difficult. In short, I've been an emotional wreck. I've been going for coffee and dinner with friends and family, and today I left my condo empty and slid the keys under the door. My God that was hard. I've been having huge remorse over my decision, and I guess that's to be expected... I just hope it doesn't last much longer. It's so hard to say goodbye to my first home, even though it was only my home for 9 months... it was MINE. It was tangibly MINE!
I've decided that I am not moving ever again, but if I DO have to do it, then I'm going to host my own "wake" instead of drawing things out. It's too hard to say goodbye to everyone over a few weeks and end every day in tears. I would much rather have everyone in one room and I would sit on a chair and have each person come to me in turn to say goodbye. A short and sweet see-ya-later. I would nod, smile, probably cry. Say "I love you, I'll see you soon." But not goodbye. Not EVER goodbye. Goodbye is a hideous, horrible word on par with "never" and "unacceptable." Those words are too definite, and I'm not certain enough about anything to use them.
I leave for California on Saturday and I'm really not ready and am really not excited anymore; I'm just full of fear. The fear has encompassed me. I keep having nightmares that nobody at Yoga school likes me because I'm not BoHo-Hippie-Zen, but rather the girl in the Lululemon pants and mascara. I know I'm supposed to distance myself from the need of all things external, but yikes, I can't be Zen with blonde eyelashes!!! I sort of just wish it was already Sunday and I knew what I was in for... I will definitely post on Sunday and let you all know if this will be A Fun and Wonderful Month or A Month of Insecurity and Falling Down A Lot.
Hmm, that's it for now! Time to pack.
Love to you all,
Gillian
P.S. My dad has started a blog with his perspective of this INSANE MOVE TO NOVA SCOTIA... You can read his thoughts here.
1 comment:
Don't worry, I'm sure everything will turn out okay in the end. And even if it's not quite what you expected, just remember that there is always something good in everything and there is always something to be learned. It may be hard to see it at the time, but eventually you will and you will say to yourself "I'm so glad I did that." I have confidence in you and you're so sweet that I'm sure making BoHo friends won't be a problem! =D Trust yourself.
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